?

Log in

Recent Entries Friends Archive Profile Tags To-Do List
 
 
 
 
 
 
90

there is always something new to do
 
 
 
 
 
 
when will i learn never to start on essays the night before? then again, as a person i don't think i am ever capable of it. recurring recurring
 
 
 
 
 
 
sorry but...after simi shock? i hope it's got nothing to do with me...
 
 
 
 
 
 
this is absolutely ridiculous hahaha come tomorrow gerald and i would have met each other every damn day for 8 weeks. not bored yet? lol.
 
 
 
 
 
 
i feel like i've known him a long time.
 
 
 
 
 
 
dear God,

help us be less afraid and to trust in Your plan.
 
 
 
 
 
 
over guinness in a park, just my style. our style.
 
 
 
 
 
 
maybe you're just the guy version of me, that's all. and that's pretty cool. although it's fun to find out from other people that we think the same. and there seems to be an implicit mutual respect. i appreciate that loads. but between us we'll never have this conversation.
 
 
 
 
 
 
of course i still get jealous.

but i don't need your approval anymore. there are people around me who actually care for things i've done, which means so much more than you dissuading me from pursuing things you felt had no meaning. last night i was talking to a friend about how i kickstarted pretty much anything music-related in tembusu by starting treblemakers, by lobbying for and settling the jamming room, by setting up music hub, by organising most of the open mics on my own, by helping out with grease not just acting/singing/dancing but training them as well. with guitar ensemble and all the notes i've gotten from people telling me i've helped them be a better guitarist.

you know what that friend said? 'wow, i think you're amazing, i wish i could do just some of those things. it seems you did it well too'.

what did you say? that everything i did was a waste of time.
 
 
 
 
 
 
no i don't think i miss you anymore. maybe i miss your body, how safe i felt in your arms because you're just that much bigger than i am. i miss the silly things we used to do together. you always act so differently when with other people - only i got to see the epic-ly idiotic side of you and it was adorable.

but i think it was obvious to both of us that we were slow dancing in a burning room for almost a year. except you slowly decided to give up while i thought that if i tried harder we could reverse this tragedy.

you leave on sunday - before we broke up i always imagined how that day would pan out. what would that last hug feel like? would i cry as you walked into the departure hall? now i think i won't be there on sunday. i'm not sure if the other dmat-ers are going but i doubt i have it in me to be there. so maybe i'll just give you a call and wish you all the best.