this has been a trip of epic escapist proportions so far.

when i get back, i have to start facing reality again.

1. carolling
2. filming
3. arranging
4. essay-writing
5. concert??!
6. seeing hl only at work

i have absolutely fallen in love with this place.

kayak-ed with mandi in the SOUTH CHINA SEA today! thank goodness we chose to take doubles, i would have died on my own! riding the waves was gorgeous (: awesomely enough, audrey (from the IG i facil-ed) is here with her family too! and i did my 1-star kayak course with her back in j2!

the beach is so sexy. blue water, sand that feels like flour and SO QUIET (: the pool as well, because it's exclusive to our wing only.

seriously, VIP treatment is something i've never known and maybe i'll be spoilt for life! i've never known hotel service this good. whaaaaaa 2 and a half more days!

supposedly we're going on an ATV (all-terrain vehicle) ride tomorrow while daddy goes for another round of golf and mommie for spa. we were under the impression that the three of us kids would be seated at the back and be driven on an off-road trail! but....daddy seems to think that we get to drive our own vehicles. I HOPE THE LATTER COMES TRUE HAHA SO EXCITING.

oh most exciting thing though: I SAW A LITTLE KITTY KAT AT DINNER! (: okay full grown female cat (: so prettyyyyyy.

RASA RIA HERE WE COME HAHAHA YAY

all the times i said i would be prepared for bad results every time results came around, well scratch that. i've had three good semesters and this fourth one is proving to be the most fucking hard.

normally i'd think 'yeah it's okay to get Bs and Cs once in awhile' but because i'm having a pretty good run, i can't afford to slip up. that's the sucky part. i wish i was average all the way...i remember a story my friend told me...when she was in P3, she purposely did badly i.e. 70+ for all her CAs and SA and proceeded to get 100/100 for everything at the end of the year just so her parents would be proud of her.

people like to see improvements, they don't care if you were good after you deteriorate.

oh yeah and i still hate group assignments.

i thought my math paper went better than expected, could have gotten a B, even. or so i thought. then i spoke to mommie about some of the questions....now i have at least 5 marks less than i expected. so i'm probably headed for C at best. :(

with hl working nearly all the time nearly every day, all i want is to be able to meet him for lunch and/or dinner. but school doesn't allow it, my holiday next week won't allow it, the christmas week won't allow it (filming in the day, carolling at night)...mriaooo. i want to be more free!

was looking forward to the sem break after CNY but now he won't be able to spend it with me i have to go find something to do for two months...yeah i should go earn myself some money too.

composing without my guitar is a bitch. urgh. gotta get the psalm for tomorrow chorded.

tomorrow...wedding at 11.30, hopefully cut/dye my hair, dinner at IMM? still gotta pack for sabah!

eek. i can somehow foresee my expenditure going up again :( because i'll end up going out more since i can't cuddle at home with hl.

bah. i don't want to spend money i really don't. soon i will decline going out because i really need to save money.

now even my jaw is screwed up (my fault) and the ulcer on my lower lip is killing me. was supposed to sleep an hour ago but...

BAH

what was i trying to do when i took up math again in poly? i think i was trying to prove that finally i could pass, of my own accord. actually, it seems terrible to think of 'just passing'. i have a 2.0 GPA for this module right now, which is terrible when compared with my DMAT GPA. and it seems like (everyone around me sees it all so clearly so why can't i) i'm destined to fail once again. i know i know, practice, etc etc. but...i just can't do without the math guidance. during the o's, i had mommie. for a's, i had sammie and chris. now i'm alone and i'm just...staring at the questions, i know how to do them but i can't actually remember any of the formulae. not quite wired for math, never was never will be. i failed amath until mommie came to my rescue, i passed math for the first time at a levels.

but failure now means i may have to drop PCM. i HAVE to get this certificate in mathematics. because then at least i know i did it, for once, on my own. i need to get out of this sea of mediocrity.

my baby sister looked so pretty at prom (: (: (:

hl starts work on wednesday...
i'm probably gonna see 1/100000 of how much i'm seeing him now. sigh.

that said, starting a new job, a first job, is always exciting. good luck baby(:

my posts are so short. roar.

basically, i've been missing out/will miss out on a lot of things because of school and carolling. yes i don't miss carolling for things, i miss things for carolling. couldn't meet the girls for cider@muddy murphy's because of recording last week, can't go zoo with girls+siblings+nieces because well, SCHOOL. BAH.

and school at the moment really sucks because performance is screwed with chris not around and yeah..other factors that i was ranting about to hl. DVPT promises to be a vertical challenge not simply an uphill task because everyone's gonna be using the cameras and our storyboard isn't finalised yet??!!

i have a fucking math MST on wednesday. guess what i'm going to be doing tuesday afternoon.

the choir is absolutely NOT in shape to go carolling just yet. with 'o holy night' not covered yet, and with sops still flipping scores frantically, tenors who don't appear for prac and basses who always come yet can't absorb as quickly AND WITH 5 PRACTICES LEFT,

HOW?!!!!

at least i had a good sunday yesterday. (: breakfast and lunch with anniebaby, she hl and i walked around amk central (i miss living there), went up to the 25th floor of blk 710! the view is gorgeous, so is the breeze. miao.

i miss...life.